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The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World, by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.
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At least one out of four people prefers to avoid the limelight, tends to listen more than they speak, feels alone in large groups, and requires lots of private time to restore their energy. They're introverts, and here is the book to help them boost their confidence while learning strategies for successfully living in an extrovert world.
After dispelling common myths about introverts-they're not necessarily shy, aloof, or antisocial--The Introvert Advantage explains the real issues. Introverts are hardwired from birth to focus inward, so outside stimulation-chitchat, phone calls, parties, office meetings-can easily become "too much."
The Introvert Advantage dispels introverts' belief that something is wrong with them and instead helps them recognize their inner strengths-their analytical skills, ability to think outside the box, and strong powers of concentration. It helps readers understand introversion and shows them how to determine where they fall on the introvert/extrovert continuum. It provides tools to improve relationships with partners, kids, colleagues, and friends, offering dozens of tips, including 10 ways to talk less and communicate more, 8 ways to showcase your abilities at work, how to take a child's temperament temperature, and strategies for socializing. Finally, it shows how to not just survive, but thrive-how to take advantage of the introvert's special qualities to create a life that's just right for the introvert temperament, to discover new ways to expand their energy reserves, and even how, when necessary, to confidently become a temporary extrovert.
- Sales Rank: #8080 in Books
- Model: 941837
- Published on: 2002-02-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .75" w x 6.00" l, .86 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 330 pages
Review
"Filled with Aha! moments of recognition, Dr. Laney's book will help millions of introverts . . ." -- Paul D. Tieger, co-author of Do What You Are
"Its clear, step-by-step advice will help introverts recognize and capitalize on their unique strengths." -- Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci, author of Shyness: A Bold New Approach
About the Author
Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., is a researcher, educator, author, and psychotherapist. One of America’s foremost authorities on introversion, she speaks and leads workshops on the topic in the United States and Canada. She and her extroverted husband have two grown daughters and four grandchildren. They live in Portland, Oregon.
Excerpt. � Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Self-Assessment for Introverts
Take the test for introversion on a day when you are feeling relaxed and not stressed out. Pick a cozy nook where you won't be interrupted. Consider each statement in terms of what is generally true or false for you, not how you wish you were or how you are some of the time. Don't analyze or think too deeply about each statement. Your first impression is usually the best. For an outside view of yourself, it can be enlightening to have a partner or friend answer for you. Compare your results with your friend's score. If the two tallies differ, talk about both of your views.
Answer the following questions T or F, then add up your True answers and check the scoring at the end of the list to see if you're an introvert, fall in the middle of the continuum, or are an extrovert.
-- When I need to rest, I prefer to spend time along or with one or two close people rather than with a group.
-- When I work on projects, I like to have larger uninterrupted time periods rather than smaller chunks.
-- I sometimes rehearse things before speaking, occasionally writing notes for myself.
-- In general, I like to listen more than I like to talk.
-- People sometimes think I'm quiet, mysterious, aloof, or calm.
-- I like to share special occasion with just one person or a few close friends, rather than have big celebrations.
-- I usually need to think before I respond or speak.
-- I tend to notice details many people don't see.
-- If two people have just had a fight, I feel the tension in the air.
-- If I say I will do something, I almost always do it.
-- I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to finish a project.
-- I can "zone out" if too much is going on.
-- I like to watch an activity for a while before I decide to join it.
-- I form lasting relationships.
-- I don't like to interrupt others; I don't like to be interrupted.
-- When I take in lots of information, it takes me a while to sort it out.
-- I don't like overstimulating environments. I can't imagine why folks want to go to horror movies or go on roller coasters.
-- I sometimes have strong reactions to smells, tastes, foods, weather, noises, etc.
-- I am creative and/or imaginative.
-- I feel drained after social situations, even when I enjoy myself.
-- I prefer to be introduced rather than to introduce others.
-- I can become grouchy if I'm around people or activities too long.
-- I often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings.
-- I like people to come to my home, but I don't like them to stay too long.
-- I often dread returning phone calls.
-- I find my mind sometimes goes blank when I meet people or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly.
-- I talk slowly or have gaps in my words, especially if I am tired or if I am trying to speak and think at once.
-- I don't think of casual acquaintances as friends.
-- I feel as if I can't show other people my work or ideas until they are fully formulated.
-- Other people may surprise me by thinking I am smarter than I think I am.
Add up the number of Trues. Then read the following to see where you fall.
20-29 True: Pretty darn introverted. As a result, it is extremely important for you to understand how to keep your energy flowing and how our brain processes information. You relate to life through your ideas, impressions, hopes and values. You are not at the mercy of your external environment. This book can help you use your inner knowledge and create your own path.
10-19 True: Somewhere in the middle. Like being ambidextrous, you are both introverted and extroverted. You may feel torn between needing to be alone and wanting to be out and about. So it's very helpful to notice when and how you consistently feel more energized. You judge yourself by your own thoughts and feelings and by the standards of other people. This gives you a broad view, but at times you may get caught up in seeing both sides of a situation and not know where you stand. It is important to learn to assess your temperament so you can maintain your energy and balance.
1-9 True: You are more extroverted. You judge yourself in the light of the values and reality of others. You work within the bounds of what exists to bring about change. As you reach midlife and your body slows down, you may surprise yourself by wanting to take a break from socializing or needing time to yourself and then not knowing what to do. You can develop techniques to help yourself remember what is best for you to do when you need solitude. To do this you will have to balance your extroverting skills by learning more introverting skills.
Most helpful customer reviews
51 of 53 people found the following review helpful.
Offers little advice for male introverts
By PriorLight
I first picked up this book with high expectations. As a man who's had to spend his entire life taking heat from others for being a relatively reserved individual, the idea that my temperament was not only normal for an introvert but also potentially advantageous was a comforting one. To her credit, Laney does a good job explaining the fundamental differences between introverts and extroverts, and how these differences can be observed on a genetic level.
Where Laney ultimately fails in her attempt to bring introverts into a new sense of self-awareness is with male introverts. From the beginning, you can tell that she is writing this book not only from the position of a woman, but also for female readers. Virtually all of her stories are from the perspective of women, and it is rare that she speaks about male introverts. Laney seems to forget that half of the introverts she is attempting to reach are men, and the experience of a male introvert is vastly different from the experience of introverted women. For one thing, men are expected to be extroverted, while women can really get away with either temperament.
Nowhere is this clearer than in the field of dating and romance. Laney begins her book with promises of ways for introverts to discover and utilize their introvert advantages across fields of life, including dating, and yet when I reached this chapter, I was sorely disappointed. It became abundantly clear that she has little advice to offer introverted men, and the advice she did have was borderline insulting. She insinuates, however inadvertently, that introverted men are not capable of filling a traditional male role. She describes relationships for introverted men as "fundamentally challenging" and goes on to prescribe a program that is basically a form of intense relationship therapy in which the man and woman must go through several drawn out conversations and outline their basic expectations for the relationship. In particular, she suggests that the man take the time to consider his expectations.
That patronizingly translates to "lower your expectations and be ready for a lot of work", which your girlfriend is probably not going to want to go through when she could easily jump on board with an extroverted man who doesn't require any relationship therapy at all. For someone who spends the majority of her book encouraging introverts to embrace themselves and recognize that their introversion is not a curse, Laney seems to hold introverted men with a degree of contempt. Let's just say that if Laney were my psychologist, and repeated the sort of advice that I found in her book, I would walk out of her office and never return.
44 of 45 people found the following review helpful.
Nice advice for life as an introvert, but where's the "advantage"?
By E. Schwartz
There are two points in this book that Laney affirms again and again: that there is nothing wrong with being introverted, and that introverts draw their energy from quiet, peaceful situations and need to give themselves adequate time to recharge. These points are convincingly, if too repetitiously, made, but little time is spent advising introverts on how to play to their strengths. The subtitle of the book is "How to Thrive in an Extrovert World." "How to Cope in an Extroverted World" would be more apt.
The most useful section of this book offers advice on how to personalize your social interactions to the temperament of the audience. Introverts and extroverts need different kinds of praise, admonition, and conversation styles, and Laney explains how to adapt to family, friends, and co-workers on either end of the spectrum. In fact, this book might be more educational to extroverts than introverts, since introverted behavior is so often misinterpreted.
With its overwhelming message of self-acceptance, this book has a subtext that some could find discouraging: you will never be an extrovert, so stop trying so hard. Give yourself lots of breaks from highly stimulating environments, take precautions to protect yourself from situations that make you uncomfortable, and take baby steps to "fake it" as an extrovert if you wish. The advice is aimed at the pure introvert - one who not only prefers peace and quiet, but thinks slowly, talks slowly, acts slowly, has low energy, and goes into sensory overload at the drop of a hat. For readers of mixed temperament, this characterization won't resonate.
This book hasn't convinced me that the advantages of being an introvert outweigh the disadvantages. But it does dispense better advice for life than most books in the self-help genre, so all in all it's a decent read.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Thrive and feel more alive after coming to a greater self awareness!
By smrtcookie
This is an awesome book that is really helping me to better understand myself and the other introverts around me. It has not only given me a better perspective, but is helping me learn how to use my qualities as an advantage in my environment, to improve interactions with others, improve relationships, and excel professionally. Things I used to feel were unique to me (and rather quirky), I have now realized I'm not alone! The references also help to further explore the topic (as you know introverts like to do! lol) Great job! I have already recommended it to many of my colleagues, friends, and family!The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World
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